My Baby Ate My Brain

I used to be smart.  Really. 


When I became pregnant, a strange thing happened.  I started forgetting simple facts.  I couldn't recall 'big' words.  Tasks that were once easy were suddenly completely overwhelming.  I would know what I wanted to say, but I had no way to say it. 


I had developed a sudden and acute case of Mommy Brain.

My mother suffered from Mommy Brain and my brother and I teased her relentlessly.  She used to say things like, "Get off the table and set the phone!" or "Get the sporks and foons!"  She would somehow never call anyone by the right name.  Example, "Jon, Mark, Ted, Josh.....whatever your name is!"  She recently told me she was using the 'epileptical machine'.  (That's an eliptical machine if you don't have Mom Brain.)


We of course thought she had just been born with an intellectual inferiority that we somehow avoided through good genetic fortune.  I now realize that there was probably a time when my mother did not have Mommy Brain.


As I was sitting in a board meeting today (my first professional meeting in five years), I realized my Mommy Brain had eaten my Professional Brain.  The chairperson looked at me and said "Stephanie, so tell us what brings you here."


Simple enough....it's a straightforward question.  My heart started racing, my eyes went wide and nowhere in my Mommy Brain was a intelligent sentence forming.  Why am I here?  Ummmmm..... Why am I here? 


I was smiling like the village idiot as my always plaguing red hives crept up my neck and face.  Why didn't I wear a turtleneck?  Ugh...  Twenty pairs of eyes were staring at me, anxious to know what brought this fresh 'young' face to their organization.  My only consolation was that appearing nervous is typically received in an endearing fashion and it sets the bar low.  I could only go up from here. 

(The end of this story is very lame.  I mumbled something about community involvement and proceded to busy myself with fictitious notes.)


Anyhow, this disease has caused me to find objects, such as my cell phone, in the refrigerator.  It once caused me to shop for nearly two hours in Wal-Mart with two small children AND go through the entire check out process before I realized my wallet was at home.    

My SIL had a Mommy Brain experience that still makes me laugh when I think of it.  She was on an elevator full of adults and somehow bumped her head.  She then said, outloud, "Oh Bonk!"  as if her one year old had bumped her head. 


If I had known having kids was going to kill so many brain cells, I would have chosen a more fun route, like smoking copious amounts of pot.

The worst part of Mommy Brain is it blurs the line between appropriate and inappropriate.  Is poop an appropriate topic?  I think most of those with Mommy Brain would say yes. 


If you have suffered from Mommy Brain, sharing your best moments makes us feel better about ours. 
I know I have a dozen hilarious Mommy Brain stories, but I can't remember any of them.